Jessica's Adventures

I’m so tired. That is the uppermost thought and it’s only Monday. Yesterday I met 17 youth and their parents as well as 3 adult counselors in our church parking lot at 5:30am to set off an adventure to grow and serve in Nashville. While we didn’t actually hit the road til 6:07am, which put us behind to make a 6pm arrival time, travel went well. (Note: there’s not much in the way of restaurants between Little Rock and Memphis). It was amazing how my eyes were filled with the green trees and then mountains as we traveled east. I remember that I missed the trees when I first moved to Texas, but to see the landscape change so dramatically in just a few hours was just cool.

So we arrived, unloaded, stood awkwardly near the folks from other United Methodist churches, divided into work crews, ate dinner, played, worshipped, debriefed as a church, then finally slept. A good first day.

Today began as I heard the crew assigned to breakfast getting ready to prepare our food. Groggy but thankful, I rolled out and headed downstairs (girls are on the 3rd floor, guys on the 4th floor of McKendree United Methodist Church, which hosts this program all summer; talk about extravagant generosity and radical hospitality). Breakfast, packed lunches, then devotional time, something I don’t do in my ordinary life that I definitely should. Then our crews (Carrie Underwood, Reba, Garth Brooks, Alan Jackson, Johnny Cash, and my crew Taylor Swift) made sure the coolers were ready as we sized each other up (each crew is made up of at least 2 churches). TSwift, with its folks from Texas and Ohio, headed off to Harvest Hands.

We’ll be there all week, playing with kids in their morning Rex program, working in the garden, clearing a field as they prepare to work on affordable housing projects for neighbors, and teaching children in the afternoon camp. It was amazing. I made a spoon puppet with a girl who shared a story of being lost in a store and walking home since her parents had left the store. She was halfway there when her parents found her. When I asked how old she was when this happened, the answer was 2. Life is a brilliant gift, but it’s not easy. I’m so humbled and challenged to be serving. And from what I’m starting to hear from our youth as they rush off to showers, they’re experiencing their own challenges and blessings.

I started taking yoga again around 6 weeks ago. I think the instructor is one of the best preachers I’ve heard regularly even if she probably wouldn’t think of herself in those terms. Two weeks ago she started the session by talking about how beautiful the variety of shades of green are in the spring. And it’s true, even in Texas. Spring brings a freshness, a vibrancy that gets dulled and finally burnt to a crisp over the summer. She went on to say that looking at all of us was like seeing the spring’s greening. It was a core truth for me – we are all beautiful, various expressions of life, of the imago Dei.

Later in class, our instructor talked about standing in mountain pose with our inner body bright. I stood a little taller, rooting down through my feet into the mat, into the floor, into the foundation, into the earth. I stood a little taller, stretching up toward the ceiling, toward the sky, toward the universe. I imagined my soul shining brightly and wondered what color it might be – a vibrant purple? a beautiful yellow? a tired grey?

Following this thought further, I thought about how many times we all try to be something we’re not because we feel like we’re supposed to be. It may not be anything dramatic, just little, but constant compromises that we make that chip away at our character. If green tries to be yellow, how washed out does it become? If yellow tries to be orange, how might it strain?

This past week at yoga class, we worked our shoulders and talked about our inner strength, the strength that comes from integration. Our instructor made the point that many people think that being strong comes from being hard on the outside, but when we are truly strong on the inside, we are able to be softer, more flexible on the outside.

I think it all comes from being authentic, even as I strive to grow in to perfection in love by the grace of God. If I am fully me, living out who I am called to be, then I shine brightly. I express my gifts fully. I don’t become dim or burned out by trying to be someone I’m not.

It was interesting as I expressed these thoughts with my residency group since some seemed to respond as though this fullness of being was bordering on sinful pride, on being content with where we are, of denying growth. But I don’t think it’s that at all. I forget where I read it in seminary now, but for some people – particularly women who are often socialized to sacrifice self in the service of others – the sin that we struggle with is not pride, but un-being. We collapse in on ourselves, become invisible. That’s not to say that we serve out of the hope of being recognized, but that we should be inner body bright – authentically our true selves as God intends.

Today is/was the last workday of the middle school mission trip to DOOR (Discovering Opportunities for Outreach and Reflection) in San Antonio. It’s been amazing to get to know our youth better and serve in the city. Reflecting with a couple of our girls, we came to the conclusion that breaking free of our routines helps open our eyes to new things. When we are locked into our routines, as healthy and wonderful as they may be, we often miss the challenging and godly opportunities right in front of us.

I know it was definitely a challenge to explain why there are homeless, why workers at a center for developmentally challenged persons may get short with their clients at times, or even just the bus system as we took public transportation. I found myself often encouraging our youth to be flexible and positive as we sought to serve. And, honestly, those aren’t bad qualities to cultivate even in the midst of my ordinary life.